It is crystal clear that biologically family members are one and that is why when things gets extremely tough or gravy, they're been looked up to help situations and in certain occasions good hearted friends provides support too.
In Africa, especially in Nigeria, people normally seek assistance from family members which significantly most are successful. Some good hearted family pledges for support even without being begged while some render their aid if they are begged and whilst most do not at all.
However, maternity and paternity most times influence how family members render their aid. Maternal family members are more inclined to be of help than the paternal family members and this is because of sense of threat or potential rival/competition from paternal side.
In the world today, most culture demands the child bears paternal name and belongs chiefly to the father than the mother. That is why providing assistance seems to be a threat to most paternal family members.
Everything that happens good or bad has a reason or cause. We are going to dig the cause or reasons behind family members unwillingness to help. They are as follows:
Reasons Why Family Members Do Not Help When Needed:
1. Struggling With Own Issues:
They might be struggling with their own problems. It is hard to support others when you are suffering. Try to give them patience and understanding. Maybe they need your help as much as you need theirs.
2. Family Dynamics:
This depends on your family dynamics. If you were loved and taken care when you were a child, it might be that your parents are seeing your time of need, problem and sadness as their personal failure. Reasons for seeing this as their personal failure are
a) They might think that they have not provided or cared enough for you and they subconsciously avoid the problem by not facing it. They are in a denial, because they take your problem as a proof of them not being good parents.
b) If, on the other hand, you always felt not loved and rejected by your parents/family, it might be that they have deeper issues or traumas themselves which may arise from misfortunes, deaths, sickness and other imbroglios.
3. Poor Parenting Experience:
It is true that the parents' love is always present, however, certain people are better in parenting than others due to their life experiences ranging from how and where one was brought up (although mental health and impoverishness could also cause poor parenting experience). In this sequel, one who do not take care of baby even when as a child would find it difficult taking care of others as an adult.
4. Ignorant Of What You Are Passing Through:
Family members might not really relate or understand what or the extent of what you are going through. Talking might help, but you need to carefully choose your words such that they are clear and precise. Sometimes, you might even have the same conversation more times, but if you feel like you are making even a slight progress - stick to it. No matter what, please always remember that your family always wants the best for you and they love you no matter what.
5. Criticism:
Families can be tough critics as they may not see certain situations from your point of view. If you have asked for support and have been rejected, perhaps placing yourself into the hands of a friend or someone you can trust to help you through your time can be beneficial. Regardless of what your family does, you deserve the support and respect you need and do not have to go through things alone! Perhaps once you are a bit more secure with your situation, you can try to explain to your family what you needed and why you needed it again.
6. Unwillingness To Help:
Some reasons might cause either a particular family member unwillingness to help. Reasons ranges from untold stories about family backgrounds, bad relationships, gossips and other unknown issues.
7. Trauma Resulting From Wealth Acquisition Struggles:
This is another unofficial reason why most family members who are capable to support do not provide support when needed. This could be as a result of personality disorder issues or traumatic experiences that arise from the difficulties encountered while struggling to make fortunes/wealths.
These are most reasons why family members do not offer support especially when it is needed. Always visit this section of Throwback Times Nigeria for more relationship and life tips.
